


Hold my hand, honey

by natigail



Series: Phanfic Bingo 2019 [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Holding Hands, Homesickness, M/M, Phandom Fic Fests: Bingo, Reality, Seriously half of this is just them holding hands and being soft and in love, Tour Bus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 11:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Dan likes the minimalism of being on tour and he doesn't really get homesick, as long as he has Phil by his side. Phil, however, misses home at times, he clutches onto his pillow and scatters his various little knickknacks all over the tour bus. But he might also need to hold onto Dan when it gets really bad.Phanfic Bingo - Tour bus: A large vehicle used to transport performers between their shows or performances.





	Hold my hand, honey

**Author's Note:**

> Prepare for soft domestic Phan with lots of hand holding. Enjoy!

Dan had always found a sense of comfort in the touring life and he liked when they were on the tour bus. He felt like it fit with an innate desire for minimalism that was very nice in moderation, even as he knew he could never be able to uphold it at home. He was a sentimental at heart and he didn’t like getting rid of anything, which was why they had to have room for lots of storage. However, he liked that he just had his one big suitcase, just a dozen of outfits and not too many other things. He would go to bed and wake up on a set schedule and he’d have a goal each day. It was a predictable routine and while it did tire him out and drain him socially, he felt okay in the moment.

He didn’t really miss home because he was too busy existing and giving it his all on the stage every other night. Interactive Introverts demanded much of their mental and physical energy but it was worth it. Every time, they would hear the stories from their viewers at the meet and greets and they’d look over the crowd during the show and see smiles and hear laughter. It was a happy time and Dan like it a whole lot.

One of the reasons he didn’t miss home much was undeniably because he had Phil with his side. It mattered much more to him than any four walls or any knickknacks. With Phil within arm’s reach, he knew he would be calm. He almost hated that he was so predictable and mushy but he couldn’t deny that he’d found home in a person instead of a place.

Dan knew that Phil felt the same a lot of the time but they were still very different on the matter. Phil got homesick, even with Dan by his side. He missed his bed, he missed his walks around the neighbourhood, he missed being in the same time zone as his parents and he missed their shared flat.

He didn’t do well with the minimalistic tour style. His suitcase was constantly overflowing and Dan had long since started having the excess in his case. Phil would buy little trinkets from everywhere, anything from stickers to magnets to children’s toys and he’d leave them around on shelves or any available surface in the tour bus. More times than not, Dan would find one of them had been knocked over and he’d try to put it back up before Phil noticed.

While Dan concentrated his stuff just within the suitcase, never really unpacking, Phil essentially exploded all over the space. Dan saw him everywhere he turned and he smiled at the way that Phil had claimed the space in a subconscious effort to make it cosy, to make it more of a home. He was also the type to actually use closets or cupboards in hotels. However, brief he was somewhere, he tried to make it feel more like his space.

He also insisted on carrying his pillow with him everywhere. The old check pattern of blues and greens was faded with age and it hung a little limply onto the pillow but it was familiar and warm and Phil would sleep on it and the smell would remind him of home. It was a clutch of sorts and one of their crew members had jokingly referred to it as a blankey, which he had thought was a bit odd for a guy over 30. Dan had glared at him viciously enough to burn a hole through his skull and the subject had never been touched again, not even in a joking fashion.

Dan had been so close to going on a rant that you should never ridicule anyone for their coping mechanisms. As long as they were not hurting anyone, then you had no reason to butt into their private business.

“I’m homesick,” Phil suddenly announced after they had returned to the tour bus after a performance. They had just wolfed down some food and then the bus had driven off, ready to drive through the night and head to their next destination. Dan was still trying to get used to falling asleep in one place and waking up in a new state next morning.

Dan quirked his head to the side, shooting Phil a questioning glance. The pillow was in his lap, clutched against his chest, and Phil was very pointedly keeping his eyes cast down. To someone else, it might come off as shy but Dan knew Phil better than anyone and he was more upset than his casual tone suggested. He was looking down and away because he was feeling uncertain and likely annoyed at himself for feeling homesick.

It didn’t take more than a second for Dan to put his phone down, where he’d been mindlessly scrolling through social media and checking up on the post-show reactions. He joined Phil on the little sofa, sitting so close that their thighs touched.

“What’s got you homesick?” he asked and fought back the urge to yawn a little. He always felt wiped out by performances but he blinked himself more awake, ready to help Phil in any way he could.

“I don’t know,” Phil said, shifting to pull one of his legs up against his chest, moving the pillow up until it was half trapped between his leg and his chest. “Just… we still have so long to go before we’ll be in London again, you know?”

Dan nodded and leaned back into the sofa and got more comfortable. Phil looked the furthest from comfortable with the way he was rocking slightly side to side and pushing his leg into his chest. He sucked in a breath that sounded almost like a sniffle, or on the way to becoming one.

Then he moved, his right hand unwinding from where it had been clutching around his leg and he reached out until he found Dan’s left hand, which was resting between them with the palm up. The contact started with Phil’s fingertips just tracing lines into Dan’s palm. It was almost like he tried to read the lines but Dan knew he was just mindlessly tracing.

Phil had tried to read both of their palms at one point, after watching a video about it on YouTube. It had gone about as well as you’d expected. At least it hadn’t come true that Phil would die before 30 or that Dan would get a long education. It had also not fit that they wouldn’t find love until they were in their late twenties. They had found love so much earlier than that.

Phil kept his touch light and it was almost absentmindedly how he traced so gently. It tickled a little but not enough to actively bother Dan and he kept his hand open and he even extended his fingers out in silent invitation.

A small smile cracked on Phil’s lips and he didn’t say anything but he shifted closer and brought his leg down. He almost melted into Dan’s side, fingertips never leaving Dan’s palm. Dan was just looking, tired and dazed but happy to just be here for Phil. It didn’t take long before Phil moved his left hand to carefully move Dan’s hand into his own lap. The way he moved him, so cautiously as if the mildest jerk might spook Dan out of it, had his heart swelling with love for his partner.

Dan had never understood the hype of handholding before he met Phil. He was generally not that comfortable with physical contact with people unless he knew them well and he had always just connected handholding to something his parents made him do, either to keep him in check or as an order for him to keep hold of his little brother. But holding hands with Phil was something else entirely. It was a sense of comfort and security. They didn’t do it in public, never a couple for even such light elements of PDA but at times they would let the back of their hands brush as they walked side by side and they knew what it meant. Just a little nudge, _I’m here_.

It was much more than that right now. Phil was just holding onto Dan’s hand, both hands below Dan’s and Phil’s two thumbs stroking the same patterns into the skin of his palm. It was a repeating motion, again and again, _we’re here together and it’s okay_.

When Dan got too into his own head, he liked to lie down on his stomach and not move. Phil didn’t do it as often but when he did, he reacted differently to Dan. He could never sit entirely still. He had to be moving, had to keep some part of his body spinning, even as his thoughts might make him feel a little paralyzed. The skin that Phil kept touching starting to spin a little and feel warm and it was as if comfort was being poured into it. Still, Dan didn’t want to be the only one receiving comfort when it was clearly Phil that needed it right now.

Dan had been terrible with casual physical intimacy like that at first. In the beginning, every time he’d touched Phil that he had felt sparks and his heart had started racing. It took a long time for his heart to realise and fully understand that Phil wasn’t just going to vanish. He was always going to be here because they had chosen each other and neither of them was letting the other one slip away. Now casual touches came much easier but Phil was still the one that often initiated it. When Dan used words, Phil used his hands.

Dan used his hands now; he moved the hand in Phil’s lap carefully turning it around until he could wrap it around Phil’s right hand. He pressed their palms securely against each other, not in a bruising hold but still tight enough for both of them to really feel each other. This hold said something too. _I love you and you are not alone._

Phil’s intake of breath was so quiet that Dan almost missed it. His eyes flickered up to read Phil’s face and he had expected to be able to find Phil’s eyes but they were zeroed in on their hands. However, there was a small smile tugging in the corners of Phil’s lips and Dan calmed down a little.

He had never really been able to understand traditional homesickness. He had not suffered from it as a child on the rare occasions that he’d be away from his family. It wasn’t until he had met Phil for the first time and he had to get his train back home that he ever felt that tug in his chest, a slightly painful ache and knowledge that you were leaving something behind that brought you comfort. It might be the reason that he’d never been two weeks apart from Phil since the first time they had met. It was Dan’s pain threshold for Phil absence.

Dan moved his thumb softly over the back of Phil’s hand, mimicking the tempo and the pressure that Phil had just used on him. Phil cleared his throat and he kept his eyes on the small movement. Dan kept it up for a couple of minutes until he knew that he must have left Phil’s skin tingling too and then he shifted his hand again and nudged Phil’s palm to open for them to intertwine fingers. For this one, they got more wrapped up in each other, almost entangled. Dan smiled again at the fact that their large hands fit together so well and slotting into place was almost as easy as breathing. Dan allowed himself a little squeeze as to say _we are here to hold each other up_. Phil gave him a squeeze back and slouched down more in the sofa, almost resting his head against Dan’s.

Anything could have happened around them and none of them would have noticed. They were in their own little bubble connected by their palms and they felt like everything around them had faded away. They could not hear the rustling of the wind against sides or feel the rhythmic movement of the tour bus as it drove down the motorway. It had all faded away and instead the centre of the universe was the heat generated between their palms.

During their last world tour, Phil had said that he felt almost childish for being so affected by homesickness. It wasn’t even that often, but sometimes he’d experience a heavy wave of it and get into a bad mood. He was good at pushing it aside when they had something to do but he’d have to deal with it sooner or later. Dan had rushed to assure Phil that it wasn’t stupid. Phil had tried to argue against him, saying that it was a bit silly to get so worked up. He had compared it to when Dan struggled with his depression, which was so much heavier and more prevalent.

But they couldn’t and shouldn’t be compared. Each was important and valid. Dan had told him something then and he wanted to repeat it now, just in case he had forgotten.

“It’s not silly to be homesick, and suffering is not a competition. You’re here for me and I’m here for you.”

Phil drew out a loud breath, exhaling deeply in a way that seemed like he was clearing out his system and finally letting go of some of the tension in his shoulders.

“You’ve told me once before, honey,” Phil said, voice quiet but strong as he gave Dan’s hand another squeeze.

The nickname had Dan’s heart fluttering for a second. Mostly when they used sappy nicknames they were said in an almost mocking or teasing fashion. They had a whole hoard of nicknames that were not flattering at all and they tended to use those more, only because there was not real intention behind them. Every name came from a place of fondness and affection, even if it might be a swear word or have a usual negative connotation. Still, hearing Phil say a simple one so earnestly had Dan feeling a little love struck, even after all this time.

“I know,” Dan huffed out, feeling a little breathless and he did nothing to hide it. “I just figured you might need to hear it again.”

“I didn’t say that I felt silly this time,” Phil argued.

Dan snorted. “No, but I could see you thinking it.”

“You’re not a mind reader,” Phil grumbled in return.

“No, I’m a palm reader and it’s right there in your heart line or whatever,” Dan joked and wiggled his eyebrows as he nudged his shoulder against Phil’s.

It had the desired effect. Phil tilted his head back to chuckle and looked over at Dan as the skin crinkled around his eyes. Phil’s eyes looked like they were sparkling.

Then the tour bus drove over a pothole or something that was enough to cause the big bus to sway a little and Dan and Phil were knocked off balance. Phil would have fallen off the sofa if not for Dan tightening his hold on his hand and yanking him back as he was almost falling. They landed back on the sofa, closer together than before.

“I’ve got you,” he said.

Phil smiled widely, palm still pressed securely around Dan’s and he smiled that bright smile again and Dan could feel the love pouring out of him. He caught the second meaning of his words, which had not been the intention but it had slipped out naturally, so Dan counted it as a happy coincidence.

“I know,” Phil replied and leaned in to press a loving kiss to Dan’s lips. “And I’ve got you,” he mumbled as he pulled back.

They kept holding hands for a good hour as the tour bus drove on to take them to their next show. Phil didn’t feel so homesick anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/187987438800/hold-my-hand-honey-phan-one-shot)
> 
> I hope you liked this! If you follow me on tumblr, then you know that I just wrote this in the last couple of hours because I wanted to keep my bingo schedule of posting every week day. It's only the first week out of five but I managed to get five fics up on time and I'm pretty proud of all of them. (They're all in the series on here if you're curious). This one shot had me feeling so very soft and I don't know, I just love writing that soft physical intimacy and I could picture the boys vividly, alone in a moving tour bus just holding hands and finding comfort in each other. I hope I managed to make it come across. Thank you for reading and I'll see you again Monday with another phanfic from my bingo card! (Hopefully, I'll be able to write a couple this weekend so I won't be forced to write and post same day again but we'll see.)


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